A woman cannot make a better man by telling him what to do. It doesn’t matter how nicely its said. How much its sugar coated. How sweet a smile she can muster. Or whether her words are phrased as a question. At best, her words will make him feel a little less interested in devoting himself to her. At worst, her words will emasculate him and turn his devotion away from her and towards his government (and/or addictions like porn and videogames).
A woman who tells her man what to do will only succeed in making him feel weak. Irritated. Less masculine. And it will make the relationship feel less natural. Less polarized. More androgynous. A relationship that a man will become increasingly less interested in devoting himself to as he feels less like a man and more like a non-romantic business partner (or worse, like a child). The more she tells him what to do, the more she pushes him away. Even if he does what she tells him to do, the price of compliance isn’t one that any woman would pay if she fully knew what it was costing her (and him).
A woman who tells her man what to do perpetuates our slave society of mask wearing men. And no, this isn’t about blame. This is about a woman taking responsibility for her part in this shit show. Obviously, a man is also responsible for his actions when he chooses to be weak and not properly lead, build, and protect his relationship. That isn’t up for debate. But a woman who tells her man what to do and especially how to do it will only drive a man away from his masculinity… and from her.
Instead, a woman can help a man transform himself and his relationship with her by telling him how she FEELS about the things he does (or doesnt do). NOT to try to change him. NOT to make him better. NOT to stop him from doing annoying things. NOT to cast blame. NOT because she is looking for any kind of outcome whatsoever. But simply for the purpose of expressing how she feels. That’s the end goal in itself. Self expression. Vulnerability. Sharing herself with him. The good and the bad. And being open to receiving whatever may come from that with zero attachment to what she may receive. When she expresses herself this way, she is giving her man a gift, even when she expresses anger or annoyance. And because its a gift, he is free to do as he wishes with it.
Hearing how a woman feels doesn’t MAKE a man better. But it can certainly INSPIRE him to MAKE HIMSELF better. For her. Not for weak reasons like avoiding her disapproval or seeking her approval. But out of a genuine desire to make her happy WHEN HE IS ENERGETICALLY GIVEN THE CHOICE TO DO IT AND HOW TO DO IT.
He is given the free choice of how to fix the ‘problem’ of a woman’s emotional state when her focus is solely self-expression rather than trying to get her man to do something (or not do something). When its a gift he is being given. If her expression of her feelings comes with an expectation attached, shes still stuck on trying to change outcomes and change her man, only now she is using her feelings to do it. And that probably won’t work out well because she is giving him a burden. Not a gift.
A man becomes more masculine by being presented with ‘problems’ that he has the option to fix, and the option of choosing how to fix them. But he becomes more of a slave when he is made to feel obligated to do something as a burden, and does them anyway. He feels obligated when a woman tells him what to do, OR when she tells him anything (including her feelings) with an expectation attached. And again, that doesnt mean a man isn't responsible for his own feelings of obligation or to respond appropriately when a woman makes him feel that way. But it does mean that if a woman is not as happy as she could be with her relationship, she should take responsibility for how she is co-creating that reality if she wants it to be better.
If a man is devoted to his woman and relationship, or has real potential to be, he will want to take responsibility for her emotional state when she expresses it without trying to get an outcome. He will make a real effort to listen and use his leadership to fix problems by changing his actions when he hears how his woman feels. Because taking that responsibility and making his woman happy brings him joy. But a warning: if a man is a narcissist, he will likely belittle her feelings when she expresses them and not want to hear or fix them (If you are with one, RUN AWAY! The above advice will NOT inspire a narcissist!)
Ultimately, which path a man goes is all up to him. A woman can’t do a man’s work for him. She can’t make him choose to be more masculine or more devoted. But she CAN do her own work of becoming more feminine (emotional self-expression without trying to get an outcome) so that she is able to support her man on his own journey, rather than hindering him.
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