How many spankings have you given yourself this week?
If you are white, the answer better be 'a lot'. Because you are responsible for every single thing a white person has ever done to a black person or another person of colour. And you should feel very guilty about it, and punish yourself thoroughly for your collective sins. With spankings. If you are a man, especially a well off cis-straight man, you also need to take on all the wrongs that people with those attributes have done to women and all 150+ other genders and sexual orientations and poor people too. Triple your spankings. Triple your pain. Triple your shame.
My morning routine is based around my daily spankings. I get up in the morning, and talk to myself in the mirror about what a piece of shit I am for having so much privilege and guilt by association. I call this talk my 'hatefirmations'. Its really useful to make me feel terrible about myself for things I didn't even do or condone. I then proceed to spank myself thoroughly until my ass is raw. Then I have breakfast, wait 40 minutes to digest, followed by another spanking (NEVER do self-abasement on a full stomach). I spend the remainder of my morning reflecting on how bad I am for being privileged and being guilty by association. I do a bit of writing and type out all the reasons that whiteness and masculinity and straightness and success and cis'ness are bad and brainstorm ways I can suppress or at least atone for these traits in myself. And then its one more vigorous spanking before lunch. This one needs to be very well done so it keeps me feeling like garbage until dinner time. If my ass doesn't bleed, I didn't feel guilty and ashamed enough. I have to make up for those ones with a do-over.
But recently I started reflecting on my morning routine. Why exactly should I have any shame whatsoever for what other people do, just because I happen to have the same arbitrary attribute as them, like my skin color, my genitalia, my religion, my wealth, my nationality, my career, or anything else? Why am I taking responsibility for them? Why am I not just taking responsibility for my own actions, which are the only ones I actually have control over? Maybe my entire problem is a lack of firm boundaries that divide the 'self' from the 'group'? Just thinking about these thoughts compelled me to once more do some hatefirmations and spank myself silly until I started crying and begging myself to stop.
It is dangerous to think for myself instead of thinking only of what the media told me to think. But despite the fear of more spankings, I started thinking for myself again. I'm so bad! This time, I started questioning everything the media has told me to believe. Are black people really killed disproportionately to whites once adjusted for crimes committed or police custody? Is domestic abuse really a one sided issue where men are the perpetrators and women the victims? Is the 1% really filled with mostly evil people who are trying to impoverish the 99%, or are the vast majority of them just successful professionals, athletes, artists, and entrepreneurs who don't have a victim mindset and learned-helplessness like most people are programmed to have?
That last question really got me thinking about victim mindsets. So much so that I didn't even spank myself for thinking it. Does the media purposely spin false group vs group narratives to create group victim mindsets and get us fighting with each other to keep us weak and divided? The facts certainly suggest the narratives are false. And the narratives are so pervasive, one sided, and consistent, that I can't imagine its all one big coincidence. Why the hell are they purposely training people to be either groups of victims, or groups of self-hating oppressors? Is it perhaps so that people don't unite against the 0.01% of psychopathic elites that actually ARE trying to enslave us?
Whatever the reason, I decided that I don't want any part of that nonsense anymore. I have decided to take full responsibility for my own life, and ONLY my own life. I'm not going to take on responsibilities that aren't mine as a self-hating oppressor, and I'm not going to skirt my responsibilities as a self-made victim. I am going to reclaim my power as an individual and stop making excuses and push myself to be the best most successful person I can be in all the ways that matter to ME. Push myself through as much fear, limiting beliefs, negative emotions, and negative self-talk. Even if there are real oppressors (the 0.01%), that doesn't mean I should use even that as an excuse for not having what I want in my life. I'm not giving them the responsibility for my failures and lack of success. I am taking 100% responsibility for ME! I can only change the world by changing myself.
And... as I work to truly better myself, I'm also going to unite as an individual with the only group that matters. The only group that ever mattered; humanity. And fight to end the increasingly obvious attempts to divide, victimize, and enslave us. I willingly CHOOSE to add on that responsibility as an individual. I CHOOSE to be responsible to stand up for what is right, peacefully, but firmly. I am not identifying with the group 'humanity'. I am an individual with my own identity and don't need a group identity. I don't need a group to feel whole. I choose to be part of a group, simply to further empower myself and others. To reclaim the power we have always had all along. If only we knew it and didn't allow ourselves to be so easily deceived.
From now on, my spanking paddle will only be used on the butts of those who are truly attempting to oppress me. And I promise, I won't be gentle.
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